maaf, teman-teman...

komen-komen miring dari oknum yang tak bertanggung jawab hampir saja menyulut perpecahan. aku sangat penasaran akan siapa gerangan si ass-anonymous-hole ini. i can't wait to stuff my foot in his/her face real hard when i found out who the fuck he/she is. entah dia merasa tak puas akan apa yang terjadi atau apalah... yang jelas sepertinya dia lebih gila dari aku, karena begitu takutnya mengungkapkan identitasnya...

the flight of the bumble bee

kala kepak tertatih
nak larikan diri dari
pukul bunga bangkai
aromanya sesakkan paru
bunuh perlahan pasti

adakah kan jumpai
kapankah kan tapaki
melati tuk beri sari
semerbak tentram hati
madu hidup sanubari

kejab nian ianya jumpa
mahkota seputik menyambut
semerbak pergikan sesak
biru pendar putar kelam
belai sutra putih lembut

nak kah sang putik sambut
tebarkan sari terbawa
dan beri ianya madu
agar hidup tuk selalu
kembali hanya untuknya

friends...

last night, someone text'd me up with the following sentence:

"...why cant we be friends..."

after all what happened, how should i answer that question? my heart just can't answer it properly. i guess i need to think, think, and rethink it over and over again. cause if you ask me, the question sounds like, "why don't you give it another try with me again?"

fine, let's put it this way. i'll be your friend. but will it be a problem for you if your so-called "friend" here is still giving that "still wanting you back" look, like the same way he stared at you for the past one-and-a half years? and if friendship is a bridge to another chance he has been waiting for, his answer will likely be "yes".

narcistically, i can start friendship with anyone i want, anywhere i wanted to, anytime i can. but as with you, it's a whole different story. will someone advise me how to answer this?

ha, ha, ha......

let there be no end
let there be no 40, 100 or 1000
for there is a figure that haunts you
now hear this...

HEAR THIS!!!!!!

the day shall come
when thy be on the knees
begging
what for
things thy know already
it is i who make sure
as it comes thy way
it shall be the day
that thy wish would never existed
in the entire lifetime
this lifetime or the next ones
may He forgive i

37, 38, 39,..... 36.

so, in no time 37 has turned 38
i wonder if i can still change the fate
the end is not 39, 40, 100 nor 1000
the end is in the beginning where
you left all the stories behind
you said can never be rewind

stop chasing rainbows, stop hugging the sun...

Just heard the news today, let yourself down once again
Trusted your feelings in a place that no one goes
Will you do anything, to satisfy your so-called friend?
There's something you ought to know, before you explode

All I want to do is make sure you stop chasing rainbows
Trusting those around you is an easy thing to do
I'm not saying don't believe in someone that you don't know
Just don't go on thinking that the whole world tells the truth

It's all fucked up, being reserved and quiet
She doesn't understand the message that you send
Don't give it all away somewhere, someday there's someone
Who can replace that state of mind, you never give it time (never)

All I want to do is make sure you stop chasing rainbows
Letting everybody crawl inside your heart and mine
Kicking you is easy when you're down that's where the weak know
To release their anger on someone who will not try
To stand up, and give them a fight

berandai-andai...

phew... setelah dipikir2, ternyata sudah enam bulan lamanya... eh, tujuh bulananlah, sejak aku bisa bersantai dan berlibur di hari sabtu dan minggu, setelah lima hari penuh terjebak rutinitas pekerjaan. menguli acara, mengurus rental sound system, dan melayani pesanan amplifier buat orang. semuanya cuma bisa dikerjakan total hanya pada hari2 tersebut. tapi pertanyaannya, yang mana dulu? jawabannya, tumplek banget!jam tidur pun pastinya semakin termarginalisasi, makan semakin terlupakan. kurus. dan kurus terus.

thank God, kemaren ini baru dapet hari sabtu minggu kosong (yay!!). maka aku pun menghabiskannya di rumah seharian. tapi nampaknya tetap saja, line up kerjaan menagihku untuk segera diselesaikan: cuci baju, bersih2 kamar, cuci motor dan menyelesaikan pesanan amplifer yang semakin dekat deadline penyelesaiannya. aaaaarrggghhh! di mana istirahat itu, makan, nonton tv sambil tiduran di kursi, tidur seharian?

yang paling menyita waktu ya selaen kerjaan kantor yah emang nguliin acara. make a sound. ya iyalah, sebulan sekali gitu loh. kalo lagi break pun, tetep, oomku yang dengan semangat 45 masih pengen ngelengkapin sound systemnya pasti selalu ngajak browsing toko2 musik seluruh jakarta. i know it's fun, but after all these shit i've been through, it becomes so tiring.

pengen banget bisa males2an lagi... bisa nonton seharian, bangun siang, bongkar2 sesuatu yang bersangkutan dengan musik dan gitar, cook something at home... hmmmph... indahnya.

definisikan ini...

ya memang harus begitu, kalau kamu mikirnya seperti itu terus, sebab kamu selalu merasa seperti itu, benar atau salah. salah atau benar, kamu terus saja merasa seperti itu. makanya berlakulah pembenaran, untuk membimbing kamu, supaya kamu gak bikin definisi sendiri tentang benar dan salah.

mata, mata, mata, kenapa tak mati saja kau...

aku

masih

di sini

menunggumu

bahkan

sampai

tadi

malam

pun

matakupun

sadar

kalau

ia

tak

mungkin

menafikan

itu